I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
