she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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