If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
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Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...