i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.