oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.