how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How external is "for external use only"?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
