Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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