i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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