What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
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sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
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Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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