Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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