Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
