how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
