I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
