If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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