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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Im part way to drunk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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