hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
