i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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