I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
