Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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