I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
