I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
