Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
