Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize