I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize