Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
