I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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