I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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