VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
