the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
