Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
