Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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