i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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