Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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