My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there was a trapeze. enough said
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
