so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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