My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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