Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
