yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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