Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you had me at cake vodka
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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