i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm just crazy horny about you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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