Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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