My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
