WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
