Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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