So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
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Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
