I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
