WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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