Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
