Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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