Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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