just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
