I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
