dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
