i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
