Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
