On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
