going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
