Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
