White coat. Heels.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
