you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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