Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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