Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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